oh dear

i am reading at this tomorrow night in Cardiff:

2011-04-28T14:00:00.003+01:00

CLICK HERE for more information/directions/etc.

i think Richard Owain Roberts is going.

Richard Owain Roberts is a nice person and a talented athlete.

have a look at his blog.

hi

2011-03-15T09:42:00.004Z

i have now downloaded this, in the hope that it will kind of write a novel for me, maybe, without me having to do very much or get very involved. this is my new plan. i am still just working my way through the tutorial at the moment.

*

BEST BEHAVIOUR by Noah Cicero can now be ordered on Amazon. i think this is going to be the next thing i buy off Amazon. i also want to read WASTE by Eugene Marten, but it feels impossible to buy something off Amazon at the moment for some reason.

*

i was thinking in the shower this morning that a good way to make money would be to start a boy band called 'NSFW'. anyone want to start this boy band with me? feel like we would need maybe 4-7 boys total, of various different ethnicities/looks, all with extreme dancing + singing + dancing-while-singing ability.

*

guess most people have seen this now? i can account for about 7-8 of the views, i think.

*

really liked these things by Ben Brooks (kind of NSFW (as in 'don't look at them at work, one has a picture of a vagina' not 'hey, this could be used in our boy band, maybe')

interview with Ben Myers / blogging / www.chriskillen.com

2011-03-08T11:58:00.006Z

i interviewed Ben Myers recently for Bookslut.

it's just gone online.

have you read Ben's novel, Richard, yet?

i would recommend it, even if you don't like/don't know anything about the band Manic Street Preachers.

*

i saw this trailer/featurette for Shoplifting From American Apparel (the movie) today, too. liked it a lot.

*

blogging seems kind if impossible. think i have run out of things to say apart from links and descriptions.

*

[here is the kind of thing i would type if i was still blogging:]

i think i might start a website called www.chriskillen.com

instead of a blog

it will be just a white screen.

and if you click anywhere on the white screen a voice will say, 'i'm sorry'.

and if you hold down the left mouse button and select the whole screen it will uncover one of the 1000+ abandoned drafts of my second novel, maybe.

should i buy www.chriskillen.com?

i could sell it to the footballer who is also called Chris Killen

or maybe to the tarp-surfing champion who is also called Chris Killen

do you know any other Chris Killens who might want to buy a website called www.chriskillen.com?

i would be willing to split the profits of selling www.chriskillen.com with you

[note: i haven't actually bought www.chriskillen.com yet, so i guess you could buy it and then sell it to me for a profit if you wanted. my email address is chriskillen@gmail.com, BTW]

How to Make Money Online

2011-01-10T20:07:00.002Z

i have an article up on Thought Catalog called 'How to Make Money Online'.

it was fun to write.

2010 end of year review (of my blog)

2010-12-31T12:29:00.002Z

January

January was a hesitant month for blogging (on my blog). i only posted two posts and both fell towards the second half of January.

i wonder what i was doing in the first half of the month.

the first post saw me commemorate the release of the B-Format edition of The Bird Room with a limited-edition, 24hr tweet. (can't remember what it was now.)

and in the second, i mention (among other things) reading Ray, a short novel by Barry Hannah. (i never finished it, despite it being only 23,727 words long.)

February

the first post of February marks not only the start of my correspondence with Ben Brooks (TBP by Canongate sometime in 2011) but also my obsession with Word Mole, the word-based puzzle game that came pre-loaded on my phone. honestly feel that the Word Mole jingle/song/advert/thing i recorded and showcased in this post is maybe the only good musical thing i've ever done.

i then seem to try to capitalise on the small spike of interest/hits from my first Word Mole post -- resulting in an over-the-top Word Mole-centric second post, crammed with real/fake (you decide) enthusiasm about the game.

following this is a throwaway third post (think it is a link to a Vice article about a cat cafe in Japan) posted maybe only to convince myself/dwindling readership that i am blogging/still a blogger/trying harder with my blog again/not someone who just posts two things a month/a great guy/a cat lover/zany/cat-focused/Vice-reading/full of great non sequiturs/a twat?

March

looking back on it now, March actually seems like a pretty interesting/diverse/not bad month for my blog (www.dayofmoustaches.blogspot.com). it started with a reasonably-well-received sitcom by Socrates Adams-Florou and myself and ended with a link to an eight-part stupid/slightly meta/mostly stupid fiction thing called Fanfiction About My Cat, published on/by Pangur Ban Party.

i'm not totally convinced about the posts in-between, but in general i feel that if anyone described March on my blog as a 'fallow month' i would have an argument with them about it.

April

April started with a surprise announcement post about a Turkish edition of The Bird Room, complete with an acronym for the youth-culture phrase 'What the fuck?'

in the second (and only other post of April) i include a link to a 'Booknotes' article i did for the website Largehearted Boy. i remember having a lot of fun writing this article and thinking about it and looking at the finished thing. hooray.

hopefully this optimism balances out the bleakness/lack of enthusiasm/half-hearted-ness of my only-two-posts-in-a-month relapse (see January for the other one).

May

May started with an unexpected foray into poetry (specifically haikus). it also announced the beginning of 'Other' Magazine (otherother.org) of which i was very vaguely involved with.

following on from the generally-well-received first post of May, i seem to then ruin everything with a by-the-numbers post called 'five wikipedia entries i looked at recently'. i remember, even as i was typing it, an all-consuming feeling of 'oh god, this is rubbish, why am i typing this, just trying to blog again, why am i unable to blog, what is wrong with me, my life is an unmitigated hell, etc.'

May ends with a linking post to a (maybe self-consciously 'zany') article i wrote for the aforementioned online journal 'Other'.

June

during the month of June i blogged 0 times.

**spoiler alert**

i wonder if this was some sort of ominous portent for the second half of the year?

**end of spoiler**

what was i doing in June?

was i trying to finish a draft of my second novel?

was i playing Word Mole?

was i teaching creative writing somewhere?

(honestly can't remember.)

July

ok, by looking over the first post in July, it seems i spent the month of June moving flats and sorting out a new internet connection. the fact that this first post is called 'Update 1' leads me to suspect i was planning to update my blog more frequently from then on (even if i hadn't really got anything to say).

this suspicion is confirmed by the other fourteen posts (can't be bothered to link them individually) in July. the sudden surge in blogging activity i now see (with distance) as what it was: a last-ditch attempt to blog, no matter what, just to increase hits/readership again, directly related to a fear of logging in to my statcounter account and seeing the number 0.

to try and increase hits/readership i devised two competitions/things other bloggers could get involved with. the first was called 'Desktop Battle', the second was a proposition for an annual 'ICYBT' (International Change Your Blog Template) day. both were met with a surprising (3-9 participants) amount of interest.

i think i did other things in July too, but i'm not sure what they were.

August

in August i posted once, promoting an appearance at the Edinburgh Book Festival.

i remember having a nice time at the Edinburgh festival.

September

i posted 0 times in September.

(i wonder what i was doing.)

October

i posted 0 times in October.

(i have no idea.)

November

i posted 0 times in November.

(really, no idea whatsoever.)

December

i posted 1 post in December (this one.)

i wonder what this means? (if anything?)

is this the end of my blog?

am i ever going to blog again?

does anyone care?

did i have a nice time in 2010? (yes, generally)

am i going to write a second novel i am happy with? (i hope so)

have i completed a second novel? (yes, but not one i'm happy with)

do i have a new idea? (yes)

have i written any of it yet? (no)

do i have any money? (no)

what are my favourite small-press/indie/not-yet-published novels of 2010? (Richard Yates by Tao Lin and Everything's Fine by Socrates Adams-Florou)

did i buy a nice coat at some point during 2010? (yes)

am i wearing it now? (no, i am inside)

etc. (etc.)

happy new year everyone.

update

2010-08-15T19:50:00.005+01:00

i'm going to Edinburgh this week.

i'm reading at this event (along with John Wray) as part of the Edinburgh Book Festival.

i go home one day before Lydia Davis is reading.

there's a thing called the Readers' First Book Award -- you can vote for The Bird Room to win it here.

please vote.

i will share the winnings with everyone who voted, if i win.

not sure what the winnings are.

not sure if there are any winnings.

sorry.

please vote anyway.

i won't be offended if you don't vote, though.

i just looked at the form.

it looks like you have to write a short review to place your vote.

sounds time intensive.

if you were thinking of voting, but the idea of having to write a review has just put you off, here is a review you could copy and paste:

The Bird Room is a novel about a man called Will. It is not even a proper novel. It is maybe about 700 words or something. It's very short, anyway. Nothing much happens. I read it in one sitting. Please make The Bird Room the winner.

maybe change a word or two, though, or they might catch on and rumble us.

i feel excited now about winning the Readers' First Book Award.

wonder what i am going to spend my share of the winnings on.

wonder what the winnings are.

wonder what i will say in my acceptance speech.

wonder if i will ever be able to write another novel.

wonder if i will have a nice time at the Edinburgh festival.

wonder how crowded it is.

wonder whether Crispin Best had a nice time when he went.

etc.

ICYTD round up

2010-07-29T11:31:00.003+01:00

thanks to everyone who took part in the 1st annual ICYBT day.

think, out of the four participants, two (Stephen and Dolly) have decided to keep their new templates.

i have gone back to my old template.

forgot to take a screenshot of my changed template. for anyone who missed it, it looked a bit like this.

also forgot to take a screenshot of Ani Smith's new template (who has also gone back to her original template).

sorry.

here is an attempt at creating Ani's ICYBTD template, using MS Paint:

anyway. really felt like we made some history. good work, everyone.

ICYBT day

2010-07-26T16:52:00.005+01:00

i have changed my blog template, for International Change Your Blog Template Day.

if you would like to join in, just change your template some time today before midnight.

i am happy to include links, screenshots, etc. here.

email me a screenshot of your blog before the template change (chriskillen@gmail.com) and i'll post a link on here.

happy ICYBT day, everyone.

*

UPDATE:

Stephen O'Toole is taking part in ICYBT day.

he forgot to take a screenshot of his old blog before changing the template, but has sent a drawing of it instead.

here is Stephen's old blog template:

here is Stephen's new template.

here is a quote from Stephen re: ICYBTD:

"we could all learn something from ICYBT day, though i didn't"

good work, Stephen.

*

UPDATE:

Ani Smith is taking part, too.

here is a screenshot of Ani's usual blog template:

and here is Ani's new blog template.

good work, Ani.

i felt confused looking at the new template.

*

UPDATE:

Dolly Peg & The Untruths has also changed her (their?) blog template.

unfortunately she was unable to provide a screenshot, BTC (before template change).

in her own words:

technology has let me down and won't let me paste a print screen of it! I think I've got a computer mutiny going on at the flamboyance of my new blog page layout.

here is her new template.

good work, Dolly.

update #6

2010-07-23T14:54:00.002+01:00

Socrates Adams-Florou won the most exciting desktop battle yet, beating "Blackwells' own" Dave Hartley by 11 & a half votes to 8.

if you think you can beat Socrates' desktop (in terms of tidiness), please submit a screenshot of your desktop to chriskillen@gmail.com. i think desktop battles will be an ongoing thing, as long as people want to carry on submitting.

Socrates currently holds onto the title of 'all time tidiest desktop in the world, 2010'.

*

'Other' magazine have just published a very serious poem i wrote when i was eleven. i wrote it during a one-day poetry workshop at my school.

*

'Other magazine, in general, is posting lots of good stuff at the moment. have a look.

*

still wondering what i should turn my blog into. please vote here if you have a moment.

*

hope everyone is okay.

*

i'm supposed to be marking.

*

i'm sitting in a large, deserted computer cluster. feels like a group of 30+ students could come in at any moment.

*

here is some more info on ICYBT day:

[click here to find out what ICYBT day is.]

so far 6 people have signed up. if you would like to sign up, please express your interest in the comments of this post.

for the participants:

if you would like me to include before/after pics, links, etc. -- i was thinking of doing a kind of 'round up' post at some point doing ICYBT day -- please send me a representative screenshot of your current blog, sometime on or before ICYBT day, but before the changes are implemented. (chriskillen@gmail.com).

*

a group of 30+ students just came in to the computer cluster.

*

i am having a nice time.

desktop battle #4

2010-07-21T14:13:00.012+01:00

i have had a new submission for desktop battles.

the new challenger is Dave Hartley.

Dave seems eager to win. here, in full, is Dave's submission email (titled 'a new challenger approaches'):

You may have put this to bed already but I do have a
tidy desktop.
I believe Fats was robbed and I want justice
Dave
Hartley

in a follow up email, Dave says, 'I am very excited to be joining the battle arena. I am also determined to win'

Dave's desktop is being pitted against current title-holder Socrates Adams-Florou's extremely tidy 'magic eye' style desktop.

rules are simple: look at the two desktops and decide which is tidier. place your vote in the comments.

okay.

Socrates' desktop:

vs.

Dave's desktop:

which is tidier?

also worth looking at, possibly, is previous title-holder Fat Roland's poem about losing Desktop Battle #3, in the comment section of this post (third comment).

[a note on the typeface: i panicked about Verdana (largest) and, in a moment of 'weak will/indecision/being in a university computer cluster as a group of students suddenly come in to have an IT lecture', have reverted back to Times New Roman (normal). still unsure about the future typeface of this blog. please bear with me during this difficult decision. i thank you all for your patience and support.]

proposal

2010-07-20T12:21:00.004+01:00

i just had an idea.

i am proposing an international 'change your blog template' day.

i am proposing this coming monday - Monday, 26th of July - as International Change Your Blog Template Day (ICYBTD, for short).

is anyone interested in joining me on changing their blog templates for one day only?

(i think you can save your current template on blogger, so you can revert back to your normal template again on Tuesday, 27th of July. i've done it before, it's quite easy, i think.)

i am excited about the idea of blogs i normally look at on Monday, 26th of July suddenly looking completely shitty/terrifying/confusing/hard to navigate/much better/just completely different.

if you are interested in getting involved with the first annual 'ICYBT' day, please express your interest in the comments below.

i am happy to use my blog as a 'hub' for that day, possibly hosting screenshots of your usual blog template, along with a link to your now completely shitty/terrifying/confusing/hard to navigate/much better/just completely different-looking blog.

come on ggs!

let's make some history!

update #5

2010-07-20T09:35:00.008+01:00

i have a new plan. i am going to very slowly, almost-imperceptably change the appearance of my blog. the changes will be so subtle they will feel subliminal. however, by maybe this time next week my blog will look and read like a completely different blog (still not sure what kind yet -- please vote in post below).

i have changed two things since the last post.

(i wonder if anyone is able to notice these two subtle changes.)

*

'gg' is now an entry in Urban Dictionary.

if you have a moment, please click the 'thumbs up' icon to make it the no. 1 entry (not sure if this is how it works).

update: i am worried that no one will notice the two changes.

the two changes are:

font + font size (Times New Roman (small) to Verdana (largest))
background colour (white to luminous pink)

desktop battle update

2010-07-19T15:11:00.005+01:00

Socrates won desktop battle #3.

click here to view his winning desktop.

Socrates is new title holder of 'world's tidiest desktop of all time, 2010'.

if you want to submit a desktop, to try and beat his desktop (in terms of tidiness), please email a screenshot to chriskillen@gmail.com.

*

feel desktop battles has run it's course. or maybe could continue quietly and be updated maybe once every week or two.

i need a new gimmick.

here are my ideas so far:

blog novel.
a three-posts-a-day 'my life' photo blog (feet at busstop, view out of window, what i had for lunch, alarm clock, blurry lights in bar, etc.).
magazine-style articles on things, completely free of sarcasm/irony, written as if i was getting paid for them (except i'm not).
extemely emotive, 'serious' poetry, one poem per day, for a year. (again, completely free of irony, probably coming across as quite emo, probably containing words like 'ruby' and 'mewling' and 'candle'.)
once a week updates on The Bird Room, for the rest of my life.
a 'writing blog' style blog (short posts about my 'process', my desk, etc., usually ending with a question like 'what kind of pencil do you guys use?' in order to promote discussion.)
a giant, once-a-week link list, mostly to things i have seen anyway that week on the internet, but occasionally including something i have searched for on google just before compiling the list -- like a funny video of a cat eating a golfball or a serious Guardian-books style post on 'did the novel end with Updike?' or a link to a photo blog of someone who has shelved 600 kindles in a real bookcase or whatever -- in order to make it seem more literary/wacky/[something].
something else.

what would you like to see this blog turn into?

what kind of pencil do you guys use?

please vote in the comments.

update #4

2010-07-16T15:13:00.004+01:00

after hardly updating my blog at all in the last year-and-a-half or so, my new technique is to frantically update it, hopefully every few hours.

i wonder how long this new approach will last for.

i am guessing it will last for about a week.

when i think about updating my blog, i think about words like 'resuscitation' and 'CPR'.

i think about an old, grey cat, covered in a thin layer of white dust, lying at the bottom of a newspaper-lined cardboard box from a supermarket, not completely curled up, possibly with arthritic back legs, a perpetually swishing tail, closed eyes, breathing irregularly, maybe asleep.

i want to give my blog a small saucer of warm milk.

i am not sure if my blog likes warm milk.

*

i got 'knocked out' of the Literary World Cup. i made it through to round three. is that quarter finals? i know nothing about football.

*

i just drank two cups of strong coffee in quick succession. feels like my brain is pushing against the inside of my head.

*

i am having a nice time updating my blog regularly.

update #3

2010-07-16T12:16:00.003+01:00

i keep listening to why? on spotify.

my current spotify routine is to open spotify and log in and wait for it to load and then type why? into the search bar and then click on why? from the list of bands and then listen to why? on spotify.

it often feels like 'some kind of unending house party, complete with ups and downs and panic and drugs and maybe hand-holding' listening to Why? on spotify.

i am having a nice time.

*

i liked this article about 'the art of seduction' by Ben Brooks.

*

i liked this thing about twitter feeds by Brandon Scott Gorrell.

*

i liked these photos (scary and amazing and possibly 'nsfw').

*

i am reading a short story at a magazine launch today, at 5pm, at the Sand Bar in Manchester.

*

i just submitted 'gg' to urban dictionary.

desktop battle #3

2010-07-16T11:59:00.004+01:00

i have had a submission for the next desktop battle.

it is from Socrates Adams-Florou (editor of 'Other' and all-round gg).

Socrates' desktop is being pitted against Fat Roland's so-far-unbeaten, extremely innovative and tidy desktop.

the rules are simple: look at the two desktops and decide which is tidier. place your vote in the comments.

Fat Roland's desktop:

vs.

Socrates' desktop:

which is tidier?

(just had a daydream about the question 'which is tidier?' becoming a kind of 'viral catchphrase', like a 'post-millennium 'Gladiators ready'' or something. for instance, maybe i am standing at a busstop in a year's time and two school children are looking at some litter on the pavement - an empty crisp packet and a rain-sodden cigarette packet - and one of them says "which is tidier?")

update #2

2010-07-14T22:42:00.003+01:00

Fat Roland's desktop is staying on for round 3 of 'desktop battles' (see previous posts).

feel excited about round 3 (i have a submission).

*

it is raining 'like a bitch' outside.

*

really liked this thing about different blogging platforms by Tao Lin.

i am excited about reading Richard Yates.

*

also, 'Other' is back.

desktop battle #2

2010-07-13T13:45:00.009+01:00

okay, i have had a second submission for the 'desktop battle' series.

the new submission is from someone called BountyBar64@hotmail.com.

there was no message accompanying BountyBar64@hotmail.com 's screenshot.

BountyBar64@hotmail.com seems shrouded in mystery.

**i feel nervous and excited.**

BountyBar64@hotmail.com 's desktop is being pitted against the winning desktop from round 1, Fat Roland's desktop.

rules are the same as before. please look at the two desktops and vote for the desktop you find tidiest in the comments section below.

Fat Roland's desktop:

vs.

BountyBar64@hotmail.com's desktop:

which is tidier?

desktop battle update

2010-07-11T18:41:00.003+01:00

looks like Fat Roland's desktop won the first desktop battle.

if you would like to compete against Fat Roland's 'insanely tidy' desktop, please email a screenshot of your desktop to chriskillen@gmail.com.

finding it hard to imagine a tidier desktop than Fat Roland's desktop right now.

all i can think of is a completely blank desktop, with maybe one folder called something like 'everything on my computer'.

desktop battle #1

2010-07-09T16:29:00.005+01:00

i have had a submission for the 'tidy desktop battle' (see post below).

the submission is from Fat Roland.

i am not going to make any comments about how tidy/untidy or aesthetically pleasant/unpleasant his desktop is, as i don't want to influence voting.

rules are simple:

look at the two desktops. decide which desktop is tidier. vote for the one you think is the tidiest in the comments. feel free to include your reasons for voting. the winning desktop will 'stay on' (i.e. will be 'pitted' against future tidy desktops, hopefully eventually leading to the discovery of 'all time tidiest desktop ever in the world, 2010'.)

right. so, desktop battle #1:

my desktop:

vs.

Fat Roland's desktop:

which is tidier?

update #1

2010-07-09T12:24:00.003+01:00

i've moved flats again. i now live in a flat in an ex-hotel. i have actual broadband again, instead of mobile 'piece-of-shit' broadband. i am going to update this more. i went to london and met some internet people including this person and this person and this person and this person and this person and one thing people asked me was 'why don't you update your blog anymore?' and i think i started saying something embarrassing in reply. anyway, my point is: having proper broadband is exciting. i have been listening to things i hadn't previously listened to on Spotify. had actual 'holy shit' moments with Why? and Of Montreal. hooray.

i have a tidy desktop now. see header. (screenshot taken maybe 10 mins ago.)

i have the tidiest desktop.

feel like i want to enter my desktop in a 'tidy desktop' competition.

like the 'Crufts of destops' or something.

my desktop will be judged on the following:

overall tidiness.
tidiness innovations, i.e. folders within folders, etc.
aesthetics, i.e. how many columns of icons, etc.

feel 90% confident my desktop would at least 'place' in a competition of this sort.

quite happy to have a 'desktop battle' if there are any contenders? email me a screenshot of your desktop (chriskillen@gmail.com) and i will post it on here vs. my desktop.

also, here are some things from recently and recently-ish:

i interviewed Zachary German for 3:AM Magazine. (features picture of Zachary German wearing a coat.)

i was interviewed for Writer's Pet. (features pictures of my cat and desk.)

i had a haiku accepted as part of IsReads7.(features picture of printed-out haiku stuck to something somewhere in America.) lots of other haikus worth reading, too.

think that's it.

best website ever.com

2010-05-18T16:19:00.000+01:00

just posted a short thing on 'Other' about the BEST WEBSITE EVER.

five wikipedia pages i looked at recently:

2010-05-17T17:00:00.003+01:00

#1: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Room_%28film%29

spent somewhere between 2-6 days thinking about this film. watched it directly after reading the wikipedia page. felt it 'fully lived up' to what i hoped it would be. found the full thing on megavideo shortly afterwards. also, incidentally, learned how to circumvent megavideo's 70min time limit (just clear your cookies, etc., possibly reset your internet if you have wifi and return to the site).

#2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_centipede

only found out about this film last night. felt extremely interested in the premise of the film but not sure if i could actually watch it. have now spent well over 90mins thinking about the central premise. not sure if i would have spent less time thinking about it if i'd just gone ahead and watched it, or whether it would haunt me for the rest of my life.

#3: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IFC_Films

looked at this one for about 4 seconds with almost 0% interest.

#4: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mac_and_me

felt excited about this film, but felt let down by the 3-5 clips i subsequently watched on YouTube. now have pretty much no interest in viewing the whole film.

#5: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Offbeat_generation

Crispin Best emailed me the link to this page. thanks, Crispin. felt like he was mildy 'ribbing me', maybe. didn't mind being 'mildly ribbed' if that was, indeed, his intention. had already seen this wikipedia page sometime in the past year or two (probably late at night, drunk, possibly during a moment of 'extreme [something-or-other]' while searching for my own name on wikipedia). felt unsure whether or not to email Crispin back pretending i didn't know about it. have, so far, left the email unanswered. sorry, Crispin.

haikus, other magazine, etc.

2010-05-11T13:49:00.002+01:00

i have had a haiku accepted for the forthcoming issue of IsReads.

wrote lots of haikus to submit.

recorded 7 of the remaining 'unsuccessful' haikus for a new internet magazine called 'OTHER'.

(warning: the 7 haikus are extremely unsuccessful.)

'OTHER' is edited by this person and this person and other people. it is worth checking back on it often, there's lots of good stuff lined up.

thought i had something else to link to, too.

can't remember what it was now.

booknotes

2010-04-15T17:28:00.003+01:00

LARGEHEARTED BOY just published my 'booknotes' post on The Bird Room.

it is a list of songs that accompany or feature in the novel, with a bit of text about each one.

if i wasn't on mobile broadband, i would make a downloadable 'podcast'/mp3 thing of them all.

(feel especially pleased with/amazed by the massive 'everything i have ever done on the internet' list at the end of the post.)

turkish bird room, etc.

2010-04-07T12:19:00.002+01:00

just received surprise facebook message from stranger about this:

'w.t.f.'?

have no memory of Turkish edition. feel excited/confused.

this person made a venn diagram about The Bird Room.

forthcoming: largehearted boy 'booknotes' music essay thing about The Bird Room.

Socrates posted the winners of his The Bird Room competition.

Stephen O'Toole posted his non-winning entry here.

feel like i will be promoting The Bird Room 'indefinitely'.

not complaining, just saying.

fanfiction about my cat

2010-03-31T09:33:00.002+01:00

1990-2004
fanfiction about my cat parts 1-8 are now online at PANGUR BAN PARTY

forthcoming:

2010-03-21T18:43:00.001Z

series of short fanfiction pieces about my cat at PANGUR BAN PARTY

excited.

symbolism

2010-03-17T18:39:00.010Z

trying to finish novel draft. thinking occasionally about symbolism. here is some symbolism i just found in things lying around in my flat:

salt and pepper donkey on coffee table

easy: the salt symbolises 'i am running out of money'. the pepper symbolises 'creative freedom/not needing to have a shower'. the donkey symbolises 'someone bought you this in Greece as a present -- you have friends'.

pair of scissors on floor near stereo

bit more difficult: possibly communicating an equal mixture of 'the last time you had your haircut it looked rubbish' and 'just put them away'.

big bit of screwed up paper next to cardboard box

ambiguous. 'Lynchean'. 'dreamlike'. probably something to do with sexual awakening.

collection form from the post office

another easy one: the red border symbolises 'don't go out of the flat' while the white rectangles symbolises 'you need to go out of the flat in order to collect something from the post office'.

**

i feel excited about adding all sorts of subtle symbolism into my novel draft.

**

update: just cut my thumb on a tin while making dinner. what is the risk of tetanus? am i okay? (should probably post this on yahoo answers instead of here.)

**

update: just posted it on yahoo answers.

**

update: thumb much better now.

**

update: someone blogged about my novel.

thanks + sorry

2010-03-05T20:40:00.005Z

feel bad that i don't reply to anyone in the comments section. thank you if you wrote something in the comments section.

great sitcom:

2010-03-03T19:05:00.001Z

2010-02-25T09:15:00.000Z

CAN I GO HERE PLEASE?

word mole 'mania'

2010-02-23T16:32:00.004Z

i posted a video response to my Word Mole video:

it is a film of my hand holding my blackberry, watching the original Word Mole video.

i encourage someone to make a video response which is a film of their hand holding their blackberry/'mobile device', watching the video response.

***

the Word Mole video was featured on the wirelesszone.com blog, here. (accidentally causing 'the single happiest day' of someone's life.)

also, my friend mentioned it here. (note, he is also posting a 'blog novel' called A FUCKING AWFUL WEEKEND.)

***

i want to somehow get my video/jingle into the hands of 'Plazmic Inc.', the software team who created Word Mole. can't find any contact info for them. i sometimes daydream about getting a massive Word Mole poster from them in the post -- a big picture of the menu screen, maybe:

i could put it above my bed or something. i don't know.

***

here are the 'basic instructions' for Word Mole:

The object of the Word Mole™ game is to form words using the letters in the garden. If you form a word using letters that are directly above, below, or beside each other in the garden, you receive new letters which you can use to form new words. Otherwise, holes appear in the garden, making it harder to form new words. You can replace a hole with a new letter by forming a word that uses a letter that is beside the hole.
In a single-player game, you complete a level by submitting enough words to reach the required point goal before the time expires. In a practice game, you have unlimited time to play a game. In a multiplayer game, you compete against other players to win awards for achievements such as submitting the longest word, or receiving the least number of holes.

***

i achieved a new high score at the weekend: 7043. submitted it to the 'leaderboard'. i am ranked 5,000-and-something best Word Mole player.

trying to think of a name for Word Mole enthusiasts.

'Pepper Hunters', maybe. 'Word Diggers'. 'Letter Lifters'. i don't know.

had a look on some forums. people are scoring 50,000+.

***

daydreaming about one day becoming 'the Steve Wiebe of Word Mole players'.

need to complete novel draft by end of March.

fences, story, rejection digest, word mole

2010-02-16T14:39:00.004Z

Ben Brooks sent me a copy of FENCES. received it this morning. good, scary sentences. my favourite so far (i am at page 30-something) is 'Big green tick over my body.'

**

Stephen O'Toole won The Beats 'write a story with a room and birds in it to win a copy of The Bird Room' competition with THIS STORY. i like Stephen's story a lot.

**

REJECTION DIGEST has posted some stories.

**

i bought a blackberry phone last month. feel confused and grown-up whenever i look at or use it. made a music video/jingle for one of the things on it. not sure if i have somehow 'crossed a line' in doing this:

please email (chriskillen@gmail.com) if you would like the full lyrics.

links, etc.

2010-01-27T12:49:00.005Z

Socrates made a short animated film that made me LOL out loud a number of times.

**

Jenn Ashworth is giving away copies of her novel, A Kind of Intimacy.

**

Brian Centrone wrote a short thing (with photos) about the experience of buying a US copy of The Bird Room from a Barnes & Noble.

**

The Beat are running a 'birds or room'-themed short story competition (closing date, 4th of Feb).

**

has anyone read Ray by Barry Hannah? i am halfway through. i feel scared and a bit confused.

competitions, limited-edition twitter update, photo blogs, etc.

2010-01-20T18:11:00.006Z

tomorrow is the official release date for the B-Format/Mass-Market (smaller, different cover, £2 cheaper) edition of The Bird Room. think it is also out now in the US and as an e-book.

bookmunch has a competition here to win a UK copy.

goodreads were doing a giveaway thing for US copies (meant to link it earlier). just checked and 'winners have been selected'. sorry.

anyway, to celebrate the release of the aforementioned new editions, i will be posting a 'commemorative', limited-edition twitter update, tomorrow.

this ultra-limited-edition tweet will 'go live' at 12pm (GMT), stay online for approximately 24hours, before being deleted forever.

if you would like to read this special, once-in-a-lifetime tweet, please visit www.twitter.com/chriskillen any time after 12pm (GMT) tomorrow.

UPDATE: the tweet has now been deleted.

***

i made some photo blogs today:

'football managers'

and

'a shoe on its own'

6:28pm Thursday evening special photo post!

2009-12-17T18:01:00.005Z

collected a box from the post office containing ten copies of the new, smaller, £7.99 version of The Bird Room, out 19th of January, i think.

it's £2 smaller than the trade paperback.

i need to do the washing up.

my coin collection fell over.

i made signs today and put them up in places, as part of my 'Hundred Days to Make Me a Better Person' attempt. i've registered helpwithsomething@gmail.com, and set up an automatic response (email it if you would like to read the thing it sends you). also willing to take on 'online' jobs -- reading an essay and looking for grammatical errors, writing an email on your behalf, etc., etc.

it snowed earlier.

etc.

2009-12-10T16:41:00.003Z

my friends SIAN CUMMINS and SOCRATES ADAMS-FLOROU have both recently set up sites to promote their novels. i encourage you to click on their names and look at their novel websites.

***

i bought a new coat. feel 98% comfortable in it. pretty much a 'perfect' coat. only very mild occasional moments of 'where do my hands go, i don't want to spoil the 'line' of the coat by putting one of my hands in my pockets, what do you do, do you just let your arms dangle at your sides and sort of swing on their own?'

***

i am involved in THIS PROJECT WHICH IS CALLED ONE HUNDRED DAYS TO MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON. it is a project set up by Josie Long. i like Josie Long a lot. Josie Long likes Richard Yates a lot. hooray. there are lots of people doing it, including Emma Lannie and some 'famous' people. i am sort of being a 'superhero' for a hundred days, sort of. i am just walking around where i live and then going home and writing about it. in March i think i am going to be 'presenting my findings' at an event in London. i am hoping to do a kind of simultaneous talk/video thing, with graphs, etc.

***

i just drew a picture of Laura Veirs:

tonight

2009-11-18T10:43:00.000Z

possible halloween costumes:

2009-10-30T11:12:00.006Z

* Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
* a cup of coffee next to a laptop (gone cold)
* the sound of the bus station
* something from Ikea
* a sore throat
* www.blogspot.com
* needing the toilet
* the man from the Ronseal Woodstain advert
* the man from the Cillit Bang! advert
* just a man, walking around, looking in shop windows, etc.
* someone from the Insane Clown Posse (or related band)
* a person at a Q&A session (following a reading) who asks a long question which is not really a question
* some craft tweezers
* 'the state of modern music' (dwindling CD sales, etc.)
* etc.

interview

2009-10-28T15:41:00.003Z

i was interviewed for the Nottingham online magazine LeftLion a month or so ago. it's just gone online.

interview here.

*** spoiler alert: just read it back. feels like i say pretty much all the same things i've said in other online interviews.***

dog on wheels, etc.

2009-10-09T17:07:00.003+01:00

i have a short thing on the Wunderkammer magazine site:

DOG ON WHEELS

it is a 'response' to a photo Kathryn Regina sent me of another writer - Megan Martin - as a child. i sent Kathryn one of me as a scarecrow.

it is part of a 'writers as kids' thing that Kathryn is guest editing. i think she is posting two a day. looking forward to what someone did with my scarecrow one.

***

just read this interview with Brandon Scott Gorrell on bookslut. really liked it; felt like he 'pushed things' in it; like in his novella; that it has acheived a 'new level of irony' or something.

***

the cat mentioned in post below was a stray cat, btw.

***

there is a weird 'burnt green tea' smell in my living room at the moment. don't know where it is coming from. feels like i have never smelled anything like it before. feel 10% curious/90% worried by the smell

readings, etc.

2009-10-09T09:35:00.003+01:00

i have some readings coming up this month:

Saturday, 10th Oct -- Cheltenham Literature Festival, in a special free Canongate/Highland Park 'Keynotes' tent, 3:30 and 7:30pm (think you get a free glass of whisky at this one)
Monday, 12th Oct -- Bolton Octagon, w/ Annie Clarkson, 8pm
Thurdsday, 22nd Oct -- Edge Hill, Liverpool, 7:30pm
Friday, 23rd Oct -- Lancaster Litfest, w/ Jenn Ashworth and Richard Milward, 9:30pm
???, ??? Oct -- Keele University

we're also organising the next NO POINT night for 19th of October at Matt & Phred's in Manchester. Matt Welton, Jacob Polley and Adelle Stripe booked to read. should be good fun.

***

i went on holiday somewhere for a week and had a nice time and then got scratched on the face by a cat.

***

read SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL recently. really liked it. feel somehow completely unable to write a review of it, even a subjective one, further than 'really liked it'.

also really liked the "JESUS CHRIST." (the indie band) track here.

***

reading A GATE AT THE STAIRS. about halfway through. don't want it to end. my favourite sentence so far has been about lawn furniature.

***

my girlfriend looked up 'Cat Scratch Fever' on wikipedia after i got scratched on the face by the cat on holiday. apparently it takes up to three weeks to materialise.

***

Peter Wild from Bookmuch asked me if i would like to interview Lorrie Moore by email. said yes. feel very excited and terrified at the idea of this. want to somehow simultaneously become 'BFF-s' with Lorrie Moore and also send the kind of icy-cold questions that will impress her with my 'professionalism'.

***

my mobile broadband dongle is broken.

www.crispinbest.com

2009-08-19T13:33:00.005+01:00

thank you to people who linked/twittered/facebooked/etc. my 'choose your own adventure' game (see previous post). i feel like i should have spent more time on it now, made it a lot longer and more detailed and things. i don't know. i might still do this at some point.

Socrates told me about this other similar and better and more funny game.

***

turns out you can now see the new cover of The Bird Room (B-Format paperback, Jan 2010, £7.99) on the Canongate site. it looks very different to the trade paperback one. i imagine the 'marketing brief' was something like 'young and fresh and sexy and not just about a man looking at the internet and wanking'.

***

i am looking forward to SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL. i keep thinking about it.

***

i am writing a new long thing. so far it has someone playing World of Warcraft in it.

***

i feel like there was some other reason why i started writing this post, that there was something else i was going to link to.

***

oh, that's right, it's more self-promotion:

there is now a page for the Harper Perrenial US 2010 edition of The Bird Room, too. not sure if there will be a new cover design. at the moment it is just a picture of the UK trade one. they have used the advert Crispin Best made in the 'videos' section. the listed print run makes me feel simultaneously excited and terrified.

choose your own adventure game

2009-08-14T16:54:00.002+01:00

i have made a choose your own adventure game using blogger.

it is called I AM HAVING A NICE TIME

it probably takes about five minutes to play.

does anyone still read this?

2009-08-13T12:03:00.005+01:00

big congratulations to Shane Jones about his recently announced deal with Penguin + Light Boxes movie rights thing.

i blurbed Light Boxes at the start of last year.

***

i read this thing too by Sam Pink, yesterday. really liked it. Sam Pink makes me think of Nietzsche's maxims a bit, kind of. but a lot more fun to read.

***

Brandon Scottt Gorrell wrote 'small reflections' about lots of internet people, including me.

***

Crispin Best's blog is always really good. i haven't clicked on it, but i'm sure there is something good there. [i just clicked on it. it's good, as always.]

***

i am unemployed. i finished as Writing Fellow at the end of last month. i am just hanging around and typing things like 'job in manchester' into google and doing the quick crossword now. i feel scared about money. not sure where money is going to come from.

***

does anyone still read this? i think it has 'died'. i feel like i'm typing to myself right now, or to a 'pretend audience' or something. i feel like i am making a pretend radio show with my friend Mark. i feel scared to look at statcounter. i just looked at statcounter. okay, a few people still look at my blog (or accidentally click on it or follow a link and then immediately click away). i am averaging maybe 40 hits per day.

***

i don't know what happened. do i sound like a whiny little bitch if i say 'having a novel published was not fun'? (yes i do. i would think 'fuck you' if i read that two years ago while working at Waterstone's.) i guess i just mean: i have been freaking out for the last six months -- pretty much exactly since the publication date -- and have lost all confidence in my writing. i just about feel better, now that i've sort of 'disappeared' from the internet for a bit. it feels good that when i type 'the bird room+chris killen+review' into google, nothing new appears. i think if i write something again and it gets published, i won't read reviews.

i should clarify: the 'publication process' was really good: i liked talking to an editor and looking at the proofs and making changes and emailing about the cover and things. i have 'fond memories' of that period. i felt 'indestructible' or something.

i guess what i mean is 'writing a novel and then getting bad reviews was not fun'.

***

[update: i feel like a whining idiot.]

reaction to videos

2009-07-10T16:17:00.004+01:00

reaction to watching video for the first time:

0:08 -- 'why am i talking so quickly? calm down.'
0:18 -- 'just start reading.'
0:24 -- 'my posture is really bad. my neck. i am wearing the same 'costume' today as in the video.'
0:34 -- 'oh god.'
0:44 -- 'stand up straight.'
1:08 -- 'my voice sounds weird. oh god.'
1:15 -- 'is that Mark E. Smith in the bottom left photo?'
1:38 -- 'oh god, i can't watch this anymore.'
1:40 -- stopped watching.

reaction to watching video:

0:13 -- 'this is really professional.'
0:33 -- 'i feel nostalgic. Crossing Border was fun.'
1:10 -- 'i wasn't filmed much. maybe i'm not going to be in the video.'
1:39 -- 'oh, that's a Cass McCombs song.'
1:57 -- 'nice cover.'
2:47 -- 'oh, there i am in the background.'
3:17 -- 'Hester was cool. i like Hester.'
3:29 -- 'oh god.'
3:34 -- 'that was weird, when i read that bit at the school.'
3:49 -- 'i wish i understood Dutch.'
4:53 -- 'i like Cass McCombs. this is a strange song to feature, though.'
5:14 -- 'i guess they edited me out. probably because i sound like a twat.'
8:14 -- 'oh, there i am again in the background.'
8:48 -- 'i look like i'm asleep.'
9:10 -- 'oh god. shut up.'

let's get f***ing freaky

2009-07-09T13:46:00.005+01:00

i have watched this video somewhere between 1 and 400 times.

i don't know what 'getting f***ing freaky' means.

does it mean one of the following things:

making a strange face and dancing in a stranger's bedroom on your own at a party, saying something to someone that you thought was funny until you started saying it but as you continue saying it realise will be met with either indifference or mild offence, purposefully giving a shopkeeper money using the least amount of coins possible even though your wallet is bulging with small change that you need to get rid of, making a sandwich you don't really want but just think that you should have and then trying to eat it and taking maybe one or two bites and then thowing it away, running the tap for a long time in order to get it really cold while thinking about water shortages in third world countries, passive-aggressively adding people you don't like on facebook/myspace/bebo/twitter, not shaking your penis properly after urinating and then walking down a corridor towards a room where you know you will sit down fully aware that there is a small amount of urine still remaining in your penis that will be expelled by sitting and that the feeling of the urine being expelled will be both pleasurable and shameful, texting a high resolution photo message of your penis to an ex-girlfriend with a word or a sentence written on it maybe something like 'forgive me' or 'i understand' or just 'Megan', sitting on the edge of a bed trying to turn a sock the right way out and thinking you've done it and then looking at the sock and the sock somehow still being inside-out, watching a You Tube clip of small Korean child taking part in a dancing competition on a mysteriously energetic and confusing game show and feeling uncomfortable and thinking something vague about innocence and exploitation and child pornography and then being distracted by a giant flashing Korean sentence frantically moving around the screen, being startled by a sudden violent horrific daydream when you are not a person with violent tendencies something very specific and realistic possibly involving nail scissors, leaving all the lettuce on your plate even though you really like lettuce, or putting on a scarf and taking a long time in the mirror adjusting it and making a face at yourself then carefully taking it off again.

does it just mean 'humping'?

i don't know.

loops

2009-07-02T14:21:00.003+01:00

LOOPS is out now. it contains a mildly edited version of the Paul Simon chapbook i made last year. the website now features extracts from things and lists of stockists, etc.

i am teaching creative writing at a summer school at the moment. i've been reading books like The Art of Fiction, talking about conflict and plotting and style.

i feel scared of fiction at the moment.

i don't know.

that isn't true.

i feel sort of excited about fiction but like it has turned into something else.

i feel like i have lost about three years of confidence, like they went somewhere accidentally.

i made a stack of books on my coffee table the other day: Victoria, Adventures in the Skin Trade, The Catcher in the Rye, No One Belongs Here More Than You, Like Life.

i looked at them and wondered what it was i liked so much about them, if there was a connecting thing, how and if i could apply that to my own writing.

i thought something like, 'novels and short stories about young people / no real problems / existential crises / relationship problems / small things / banality / etc.'

The Bird Room was recently reviewed here -- it got 3 out of 10. the reviewer didn't like the fact that it was "a dark work of run-down-to-earth twenty-something existence, populated with uninteresting characters who spend their days blandly surfing the internet for porn, dragging themselves to the bar to socialise with other monosyllabic individuals, and working in dead-end jobs which they don't even aspire to build upon."

i read that part and thought, 'that sounds good. that sounds like something i would want to read.'

i don't know.

Muumuu House feature review

2009-06-19T14:03:00.009+01:00

1. Muumuu House:

Muumuu House is an independent publishing company set up by Tao Lin. it publishes short fiction, poetry and other things on its website. so far it has published three books -- Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy, During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present by Brandon Scott Gorrell, and The Brandon Book Crisis, a limited-edition 'thriller' by Brandon Scott Gorrell and Tao Lin. i like Muumuu House a lot. i feel glad that it exists.

2. picture of During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present by Brandon Scott Gorrell on the floor of my flat:

3. short review of During My Nervous Breakdown I Want to Have a Biographer Present by Brandon Scott Gorrell:

i first read this book as a word doc. about a year and a half ago. it doesn't feel like that long, but i just checked by looking at an interview i did with Brandon on gchat, shortly after i read it. click here for the interview. the poems in During My Nervous Breakdown ... in my opinion epitomise a certain kind of writing -- 'internet writing' or something. it feels to me like almost everything good about that style of writing is summed up in these poems. shortly after i read During My Nervous Breakdown ... for the second time, i had a dream where it was the end of the world -- there was a giant fire slowly consuming everything, moving towards Manchester -- and i was trying to decide whether to be burnt alive or shoot myself in the head (i'd found a gun from somewhere). i don't think i made a decision in the end. i just woke up and lay in bed for a while. i like the poems in this book a lot.

4. picture of The Brandon Book Crisis on one of the hobs in my kitchen:

5. short review of The Brandon Book Crisis by Brandon Scott Gorrell and Tao Lin:

i read this on a train journey. it took about an hour or so to read. the book is selected correspondence between Brandon and Tao -- text messages, emails, gmail chats -- and the employees of Thomson-Shore (a book-printing company). Brandon and Tao are trying to get copies of During My Nervous Breakdown ... printed. there are problems with the cover, with the colours not being 'rich enough' or something. a lot of the emails and gchats are about trying to get the colours right for the cover. one of the problems they faced was in getting a 'rich' enough black. i noticed that if you put them next to each other, the black on During My Nervous Breakdown ... (left) is indeed 'richer' than the black on the cover of The Brandon Book Crisis (right):

i think this is maybe a visual in joke. The Brandon Book Crisis taught me what RGB and CMYK were. between the cover discussions are conversations about small things going on in their lives. it's funny and very likeable. i enjoyed reading Brandon's and Tao's 'professional' emails to the Thompson-Shore employees. i felt a lot of empathy. i don't know. it does actually work as a 'thriller', too, maybe, kind of, i don't know. there were moments when i was sort of 'willing' everything to be okay, regarding the cover problems anyway. i think i would enjoy reading this, even if i'd never heard of or corresponded with either of the authors. Jimmy Chen wrote a much better review. click here for the much better review.

6. missing picture of Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy

[i can't find my copy. i have looked behind things and underneath things. i looked in my bag and behind the books on my bookcase. i looked under some DVDs. i looked around in my bedroom even though i was almost 100% sure it would not be in there. it wasn't there. oh dear.]

7. extremely short, apologetic, one-sentence 'review' of Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy

i liked this a lot and recommend it highly, but currently feel unable to review it due to not being able to find it anywhere in my flat + my very rubbish memory + generally feeling useless and distracted.

8. i asked Tao Lin some questions about Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy and asked him to answer them in percentages:

mehow proud are you of publishing ellen's book?
Tao: 90%
me: how proud do you think ellen is of having her poetry book published?
Tao: 10-90%
00:49 me: how much do you think ellen's book will alleviate depression in general in america in 2009
00:50 Tao: .0000001-.05%
00:51 me: how much would 'someone's mom' like ellen kennedy's poetry book, if they found it in their son/daughter's room, if, for instance, they were just in there cleaning?
Tao: 0-100%
00:52 me:
00:53 how much will ellen's book be talked about in serious poetry/literature MA (UK)/ MFA's?
Tao: 20.340389710493784-80.1029378120947%
me:how much is the 'content' of ellen's book similar to other future muumuu house books you either know or imagine will be published in the future?
Tao: 62-96%

news

2009-06-19T13:47:00.002+01:00

the anthology Paint A Vulgar Picture: Fiction inspired by The Smiths is out now.

i have a short story in it. my story is called 'Stretch Out and Wait'. it's a 'science fiction' story, kind of. it has a futuristic element. my friend Jenn Ashworth also has a story in the anthology.

i'm reading at two things next week:

on Tuesday 23rd, i'll be reading something from The Bird Room at this thing in Norwich, along with Jenn Ashworth and Joe Dunthorne.

on Wednesday 24th, i'll be reading something from 'Paul Simon' at the launch for LOOPS at the Rough Trade shop in London (scroll down). the thing i have in LOOPS (not much on the website yet) is a reprint of my 'Paul Simon' chapbook. i think it's now called 'Paul Simon gives Chevy Chase the finger'. i've heard this 'on the grapevine'. i haven't seen a copy yet. i hear they look very nice. Simon Armitage and Hari Kunzru will also be reading, i think, and then there's music by James Yorkston.

watford + interview

2009-06-08T16:11:00.003+01:00

i went to Watford on Sunday to do a reading (see three posts down). no one came. i sat around with the organisers in an empty room in a library for half an hour and then we went to the pub.

ouch.

i read 'the brandon book crisis' on the train back. highly recommended.

also: 3am posted a long interview with me.

i didn't do very well at the crossword today

2009-06-05T14:11:00.003+01:00

pointless list of things

2009-06-04T19:32:00.005+01:00

changed: layout on here. deleted things, etc.

tried to: turn it into something i don't feel scared of looking at.

currently addicted to: Guardian quick crossword; averaging 70-80% completion.

really like: this Emperor X trailer -- the part with the tape recorder.

currently listening to: Smudge, probably because it's sunny outside.

won: casiotone mt-41 keyboard on ebay.

received: 2x Muumuu house books. large 'feature review' forthcoming.

have: almost £0 this month due to self assessment tax + being bad at money.

eaten: some biscuits, cereal, a cheese and lettuce sandwich.

thing in Watford on the 7th of June

2009-05-27T17:52:00.004+01:00

i am reading at Watford Library at 2pm on the 7th of June:

it's a very nice poster.

i imagine i will read two sections from The Bird Room, for an absolute maximum total length of 20 mins.

then there is a 'book-buying and signing window'.

i imagine this will last somewhere between 0 and 6 mins (max).

it's a free event.

it's in association with Art and Things Magazine.

i like the AAT people a lot.

this person writes for AAT.

[i just wrote a long thing here and then deleted it.]

please come along and say hello if you live nearby or something.

book club reading

2009-05-19T15:02:00.003+01:00

if you have nothing to do tomorrow night and live in Chorlton, Manchester, i am reading at this event (scroll down) as part of the Chorlton Arts Festival. it's in the upstairs function room of the Lead Station, starts at 7:30pm, and is free to get in.

it's a 'festival highlight', apparently.

i think a book club is going to discuss my novel and then i will read something.

i feel scared.

i like this music video a lot at the moment.

interview

2009-05-12T14:58:00.003+01:00

Writer's Bloc posted an interview with me a couple of weeks ago. i didn't link to it, for some reason.

here is the link.

i describe lots of things in the interview.

here is my 'internet technique':

2009-05-08T16:21:00.005+01:00

gmail

log in - 2-4 times a day.
read all new emails, except Goodreads updates, Twitter notifications, and Guardian Soulmates updates.
reply to hardly anything, for some reason.
use the 'star' function haphazardly, in an attempt to remember to reply to things later (doesn't work).
feel some kind of 'extreme magical force' stopping me from replying to things. walk around -- in Chorlton, near the uni, etc. -- feeling extreme panic at not replying to things.

facebook

log in - 1-2 times a day.
accept all friend requests.
look at things.
ignore almost all "what-kind-of-car-are-you?" requests/music events/wall posts/etc.
look at inbox.
reply to nothing. (feels like some kind of computer game, where not replying 'doesn't matter'.)

myspace

log in - once a day.
look at messages (almost always from 'horny single American girls who don't exist').
look at friend requests.
accept friend requests if they are: single attractive girls/people who have written books/people who have read my book/people or bands from Manchester.
consider changing profile song.
don't change profile song.

twitter

log in - 3-5 times a week.
read 'tweets' by people i like/am friends with (Socrates, Tao Lin, etc.).
write 1-5 'tweets' in quick succession.
extreme, long-lasting feeling 'i am a fucking twat' afterwards.

goodreads

log in - 0-1 time a month.
read reviews by friends/people i like.
look for new reviews of The Bird Room.
consider 5-starring some books i like.
don't star any books.

[i don't know why i just wrote that.]

2009-04-23T15:17:00.004+01:00

Dear Crispin,

here is some news about things i am doing or that happened to me recently.

sorry if they are boring.

i am going to London tomorrow to read a short thing at this 3:AM/beat the dust event.

there was an article/interview thing in MX paper in Australia yesterday, or two days ago, maybe:

a nice person sent me some photos of the German edition of The Bird Room in a bookshop:

i have drank cider maybe three or four times in the last week.

2009-04-21T13:48:00.002+01:00

Dear Crispin,

today i got up early and got things done. i felt kind of good and smug and proud of myself. i have not been out in the sun too much as i think i burnt my face yesterday. when i looked at my face in the mirror last night and this morning, it looked a deeper red than normal. i have been worrying, mildy, about skin cancer recently. i have a wobbly mole on my neck at the back, below the hairline. do you ever worry about things like that? do you put on face protection before you go out in the sun? also, i am reading at a thing somewhere in London on friday night. maybe i'll see you there? i don't know. anyway, hope you are having a nice time.

your friend,

Chris

Dear Crispin

2009-04-20T17:39:00.004+01:00

i am reading at the thing in Preston tomorrow night (see post below).

i just changed my blog's title and image (see above).

i think my novel is part of some thing in Holland or something.

i did a radio interview for German radio today.

my eyes feel hot and strange.

i lay out in the sun on my stomach for a while on the grass and made notes on something.

i don't know how to turn the radiator off in the room that i'm currently in.

i think this is my blog 'over' maybe.

i don't know.

i feel like i have nothing left to write on it.

i will probably write something on it tomorrow.

oh, yeah, Crispin Best's advert for The Bird Room made it onto World Wide Whiskers and generated 1 sale.

thanks, Crispin.

also, i liked reading Crispin Best's Ninja Turtle fiction a lot.

i noticed Crispin Best on gchat today but was invisible and didn't chat to him because i felt mild panic about not getting notes made on the thing that i then went and made notes on.

i am sure Crispin Best feels fine about me not talking to him on gchat.

Crispin Best is a good guy.

hi Crispin.

i might just do Crispin Best updates on here from now on, or just direct messages to Crispin Best.

tomorrow i might change the title of this blog to 'Dear Crispin'.

i don't know.

2009-04-09T13:05:00.004+01:00

16th of April at the launch for Richard Milward's novel Ten Storey Love Song in Middlesbrough

21st of April in Preston with Jenn Ashworth, Steven Hall, Sally Cook and others

24th of April in London at the Beat the Dust/3:AM 'Recession Session' (can't find link)

29th of April in Nottingham before a spoken-word thing from Eugene Robinson (OXBOW)

Emperor X, etc.

2009-03-29T19:06:00.005+01:00

'selections' from my twitter account were recently published on the muumuu house website.

my twitter account should in no way be confused with the footballer Chris Killen's twitter account.

i am having an 'Emperor X dance party' in my flat at the moment.

kind of.

it just involves me sitting here on my own listening to Emperor X on my computer.

i'm not actually dancing. just typing and sitting here.

it's nice. i like Emperor X.

here's what i'm listening to.

i have had no official replies from lonely/bored Dutch or Dutch-speaking people yet (see below post).

i just wrote 3,000+ words of something that wasn't my novel.

i'm excited about something i'm bidding on on eBay. i feel so pathetically excited and secretive about it, i don't want to type what it is in case someone else starts bidding on it. listening to Emperor X is a clue, not that anyone cares.

the guy from Emperor X is currently singing "go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go g go go go go go go" really fast.

fao: lonely/bored Dutch people

2009-03-24T16:43:00.009Z

oh dear. i 'defaced' my blog (see above) last night, a bit drunk, at about 2 in the morning. i don't know why i thought 'glasses, moustache, jazz beard' was a good idea. i'd change it back except i'm not at home and don't have the picture here to change it back to. original picture 'forthcoming'.

also forthcoming:

'selections from chris killen's twitter account' on the muumuuhouse website, i think.

new short stories in ROADS AHEAD (tindal street) and PAINT A VULGAR PICTURE (serpent's tail).

lots of readings at various places.

i am reading at Nottingham Waterstone's THIS THURSDAY NIGHT. 7-8:30pm.

the next NO POINT night is tonight. i am excited about this. i think it will be 'fun and shambolic and more-relaxed-than-normal' hopefully. we have a surprise guest.

i received 7 copies of De Vogelkamer today, the Dutch version of The Bird Room. it looks really nice. i want to post lots of pictures of it, but i lent my digital camera to a friend. my digital camera is currently on a plane to Seattle right now, i think.

i don't know what i am going to do with 7 Dutch copies. if you are a lonely or bored Dutch person living somewhere outside of Holland, or studying Dutch or have lonely or bored Dutch or Dutch-studying friend send me an email with a description of yourself/your situation. if i deem you 'lonely/bored/Dutch' enough i will post you one of the copies for free.

i think my favourite song at the moment is 'City Song' by Emmy the Great.

no point in not being friends 9

2009-03-19T11:12:00.005Z

i made a poster yesterday for the next 'there's no point in not being friends with someone if you want to be friends with them' night:

click here for more info about the night.

exclamation marks!

2009-03-16T11:12:00.004Z

i just thought, 'maybe all sentences on my blog should have exclamation marks at the end of them from now on!' exclamation marks have changed in 'meaning' a bit, maybe! they just look kind of funny and sarcastic to me now! i don't know if this is a good idea! is this a good idea! how long would this be funny for! just a couple of days! or would seeing every post from now on, for like the next two years or something -- including serious/dull 'news updates' etc. -- all with exclamation marks at the end of every sentence, be something funny on a 'grander scale'! i could become 'mister exclamation mark' maybe! i feel like this blog post is going to make me cringe in under an hour and i will have a giant urge to delete it but there will probably be a comment on it by that point which will stop me deleting it due to feeling bad about also deleting someone else's comment!

is this a good idea!
am i making a fool of myself!
no one cares probably!

3 poems

2009-03-15T17:00:00.004Z

i have three 'poems' in the March issue of the Trof Times. the Trof Times is a free newsletter thing about Trof with interviews and listings and things in it. i imagine they have copies at Trof and other places in Manchester, probably in the Northern Quarter. i picked my one up at Picadilly records.

the 'poems' aren't new. they are 3 of the 5 things i did for the Gravity's Rainbow/Mason & Dixon chapbook with Shane Jones last year. click the picture to make it large enough to possibly read them, if they're legible. i don't know. the print might be too small:

the picture is of Micachu & The Shapes. there's an interview with them on the other page (left). i bought the Micachu album yesterday. i like it.

i looked at the Trof Times thing a couple of times, without registering that the cover has a drawing of a simile of my penis on it:

one of the 'poems' has the line 'My penis feels like a miniature swan, sat at a table, trying to polish an apple with its wings' in it. i felt very good and excited when i saw the penis simile on the cover.

interview, etc.

2009-03-13T17:41:00.003Z

the beat just posted an interview with me.

**warning: interview spoiler**

i say 'like' 9 times in this interview.

i say 'i don't know' 3 times in this interview.

**end of spoiler**

also, bookgeeks did an online bookclub discussion on The Bird Room, and recently posted the 'highlights', including them asking me some answers and me answering them.

amazon update:

'mild' upwards sales rank movement.

2 or 3 new customer reviews, including a postive one and a 'this is ok' one.

my life update:

i just found a flat. i have good feelings about the new flat. the bathroom looks a bit like a miniature hotel bathroom. the carpet has tea stains on it. it has a good balance between 'this looks nice' and 'i can make a mess here comfortably'. also, it has radiators.

i started a twitter account. i am afraid to write anything on it. maybe i just won't write anything on it. that could be my 'thing'. i don't know.

"male balls"

2009-03-08T15:23:00.003Z

Ellen Kennedy's book 'Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs' (Muumuu House) arrived in the post yesterday. hooray. i am halfway through. review forthcoming.

The Bird Room amazon.co.uk update:

40 customer reviews.

'significant' sales rank movement (downwards).

two new 'particularly scathing' customer reviews. they seem 'genuinely affronted' by the novel/me/how much it cost/how short it was/etc.

from Marco Busani "Proven Intellect":

The Bird Room is one of the shortest novels that I've ever read. In an effort to beef up the size of the book, blank pages are inserted between the bitesize chapters in order to try and create the false illusion that the book is more substantial than it in fact is.

The main character Wil cuts a pathetic figure that is consumed by self-doubt, self-pity, jealousy and pretty much operates minus a set of male balls. It's difficult to empathise with a character that is so melancholy and depressive; Wil allows his thoughts to escalate to near Titanic crisis proportions. Whilst, reading I felt almost embarassed for how enfeebled Wil is; Killen has created a character that comes across as being utterly unrealistic.

from Mr N. Haynes "stern":

Wooden characters who are insufficiently real to even dislike (you just don't care who's who and how it turns out) combine with a smugly confusing plot (shallow and simplistic, but then screwed around with by the writer giving the impression he's an empty little person who thinks he's cleverer than his readers) make this a frustrating rip off of a read.

The glowing reviews on the back of the book are by nobodys who upon closer inspection of Killen's acknowledgements seem to be employed by his publishing house (is that legal?).
This book reads like it was written by an undergraduate; convinced of his own genius, probably with unopened copies of Dostoevsky and Satre on his shelves to impress the girls. He can't write dialogue (indeed he never even tries, he just sticks to staccato monologue), he can't write sex and with the exception of a competetent opening when he sucessfully invokes a genuine feeling of obsessive jealousy, and two very pleasing adjectives he conjures up this is a very poor book and ridiculously overpriced.

ouch.

de vogel kamer

2009-03-06T17:52:00.003Z

the Dutch version of The Bird Room is out now, or soon, or soon-ish, published by AmboAnthos.

hooray.

[note: that is not a picture of my carpet. it is a picture of a carpet somewhere in Holland, i presume]

excerpt from De Vogel Kamer, translated back into English using babelfish:

Friday night. Its long black coat no longer hangs to the bracket. Them is the door from. She is at Will. She does not come home. Three hours at night. I lie on the ground in pace at the voordeur, as a table mat. Them on me must will stand if she comes in. She will wipe off its feet to me. I looked on whereas she prepared himself to leave. I was behind its then she made up himself for the bathroom mirror. I ran behind her to the sleep chamber and looked on how she opened the hunk and there three different jurkjes removed, all black. She kept them for its body and moved back and forth, looked at to themselves in the large mirror on cupboard. She chose the shortest jurkje. She acquired ear bels in, fragrance, and smoothened her its right and with a grip. She did an hour and a half. She listened to Erasure and then to Prince. Them zongmee. `I wanna be your lover. I drunk on bed and looked on how she prepared himself. I said nothing. Now I lie on the floor in pace and look at to the slit under the door, guard to light becomes or to Alice comes home and me finds, it or the other one there. I do not will fall in sleep, say I against mezelf. If I wakker become, there a free newspaper on my leg lies. By the slit helderwit sunlight come. It does pain to my eyes. I look at laboriously to the coat rack. Its coat hangs to the bracket. Its boots resist at the door. Them stands under the shower. I hear her. Them sings.

bird room expensive viral marketing campaign, continued:

2009-03-02T11:46:00.007Z

Crispin Best made a short advert for The Bird Room. see this post on his blog for the 'story behind' the advert.

i 'wholeheartedly' encourage people to make interesting, funny videos which are actually just adverts for The Bird Room.

i think this is a 'one off' though.

thanks, Crispin.

etc.

2009-02-27T16:28:00.006Z

part 2 of an interview with me is now up on The View From Here.

i reviewed a chapbook called MEN (directly below).

recent thoughts:

"should i start a twitter account?"
"should i change how i pronounce Brautigan from 'brow-ti-gan' to 'braw-ti-gan' now i know the correct pronunciation?"
"i wonder what _______ is doing right now"
"i need to move flats, why haven't i phoned my landlady to tell her yet? what am i afraid of?"
"maybe a Paul Simon blog, like one story a week or something, updated every saturday"
"i need a wee, i will go for a wee in a second"

'i am david' update: 704 views.

"if 'david' reached 1,000 views ... wow ... i don't know ..."

four-part 'feature review' of MEN

2009-02-27T14:03:00.007Z

1. the men behind MEN

MEN was created by three men.

here is one of the men who created MEN. this man wrote all the text. i think he also did all the 'layout' things. he writes a blog. he has written mysteriously on the blog about the production of MEN, about a possible 'sweatshop'. MEN is not stapled. my copy of MEN looked like it was stitched together on an electric sewing machine with red cotton. i don't think this man used the electric sewing machine to stitch the copies of MEN together. i have used investigative techniches on gchat to discover that this man lives in london, on his own, in a flat. i believe this man is the 'head honcho' behind MEN. this man seems to have a lot of 'lady friends' but also gives off the distinct impression of being a single man, possibly. i don't know. maybe this man has a girlfriend.

this is another of the men who created MEN. this man also writes a blog. this man drew almost all the illustrations of men in MEN, i belive. i think he drew them on MS Paint. the illustrations of men are similar in tone and style to the animated drawings in this video (also by this man). in each copy of MEN, the last drawing of a man is hand drawn by this man. in my copy it is a drawing of an angry-looking man with a large head and a neck that turns into a leg with a boot on the end of it, and a speech bubble coming from the man's mouth, saying, 'stop looking at me.' most of the men this man draws have moustaches, maybe 70-80%. the final man who created MEN is the brother of this man. i couldn't find any pictures of him on the internet. he drew the man on page 24, i belive, although maybe drew some of the other men, too.

2. what it looks like to receive MEN in the post

[note: most pages including front cover, back cover, etc., are not depicted. there was also a cut out of a dinosaur from a Guardian wall-chart in the envelope, also not pictured]

3. review of MEN in the style of a short English essay

In my essay I will attempt to prove that I like the chapbook MEN by Crispin Best, Socrates Adams-Florou and Spiros Adams-Florou. To prove this, I will give examples of drawings and passages of writing from MEN that I particularly like.

Best, and the Adams-Florous present twelve different men in MEN. Each left-hand page has a picture of a man, drawn by one of the Adams-Florous, and each right-hand page has writing by Best, in the style of a monologue by the man depicted. The pictures and writing are very good. On p.7, Adams-Florou presents a 'sassy'-looking man, with long combed-back hair and big lips. In this man's monologue, Best focusses on how this man sees himself -- his hopes and dreams -- mostly in relation to his long hair, and also how he is a boxer who doesn't "want to get punched". Later in the monologue, the man admits that, "When my father combs my hair it feels amazing." I liked this man a lot.

On the next page, we see an 'insane-looking' paediatrician, with a bow-tie, rectangular head, small circular mouth with sharp teeth, large, angry eyes, and a long, wispy moustache. This paediatrician makes jokes about how he would like to torture children, constantly interrupting himself, to make sure that you understand that he "want[s] children to be healthy, not covered in welts and burnholes ..." The constant self re-adjustment of the paediatrician's monologue, his worry that the torture jokes are being misunderstood as intention, made me go, 'ha!' out-loud when I first read it.

There are lots of other men, too, all displaying frailty, honesty, and sometimes a skewed or faulty outlook on life. I liked looking at all the men and reading their monologues. Even though the dedication in the front says, "to men everywhere", I believe this chapbook could be equally enjoyed by women, girls, boys, etc. I liked it a lot.

4. review of MEN in the style of a negative Amazon customer review

104 out of 104 people found the following review helpful:

***** Complete piece of shit, 27 Feb 2009
By J.S. Thomas "the book piper" (U.K.) - See all my reviews
Customer review from the Amazon Vine TM Programme (What's This?)

What a dreadful and terrible letdown. This book is only about 4 pages long. It is not even a novella. It is the shortest book I have ever read. I read it in about 1 minute.

I got this book for free by emailing someone or something.

It is just pictures of men and writing where they talk about themselves. There is no plot or storyline and nothing happens. If this is the state of British publishing then I want to go into the bathroom and fill my sink up with puke and then wash my face with it.

I am sure that if the book had been written by Jeffrey Archer or Jeffrey Eugenides or someone like that lots of interesting things would happen. All in all, I found it seedy, depressing, not-sexy, and instantly forgettable.

Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? [YES] [NO]

[MEN is out now. It is free. It is published by Unnecessary Ebooks. I think you can get hold of a copy by emailing Crispin Best. I am not sure if he is going to print more copies or do a pdf version. You'd have to ask him about that.]

news, etc.

2009-02-26T15:13:00.003Z

i interviewed Tao Lin for the Canongate website. i recommend reading this interview. i really like it. it's part of a 'chain' thing they're doing. last month Steven Hall interviewed me, then i interviewed Tao, and next month i think Tao is going to interview someone, etc., etc.

i have a dating advert (part 1 of 2) on The View From Here magazine.

they also reviewed The Bird Room.

i am reading at THIS THING in Derby on saturday night. Socrates and Sian are also reading.

'i am david' update: 628 views.

no point / paint my album / i am david

2009-02-23T11:44:00.005Z

No Point In Not Being Friends 8 is tonight. i'm looking forward to it.

i read a short 'pornographic episode' from The Bird Room, about halfway through the current Paint My Album video:

i like all the Paint My Album videos. the website is good, too.

'i am david' (see post directly below) has only had 37 hits so far.

short excerpt from a gmail chat this morning with Socrates:

Socrates: WHY CAN'T IT BE A PHENOMENON?
me: i don't understand
what is wrong with people?
they've had OVER TWELVE HOURS to watch it
Socrates: i know
ungrateful fuckers
after all we have done for them
me: i will check you tube now -- see if there's any 'external links' or anything ...
goddamnit
37 views
Socrates: damn
i am singing a song
me: it is a 'slow burner' maybe ...
Socrates: i am david
me: it will just get more and more popular
or maybe we are the only people who think david is funny
Socrates: maybe
me: that is quite possible maybe
i don't care
Socrates: haha
me: i'm really really proud of it
Socrates: i love it

i am david, grand premiere:

2009-02-22T22:31:00.001Z

i made this short film with Socrates. it is three minutes long. it took us about 19 hours. i feel very proud.

joe le taxi babelfish.yahoo.com english translation prose poem:

2009-02-21T16:27:00.003Z

Joe the taxi there does not go everywhere does not go to soda its yellow sax knows all the streets by heart all the tits bars all black corners and the Seine and its bridges which shine in its case the music has Joe is the rumba old rock'n'roll with the mambo Joe the taxi is its life rum with the mambo congestion it is like rum and mambo Joe - Joe - Joe in its case the music has Joe resounds is the rumba old rock'n'roll with the mambo can go ahead Joe go ahead Joe go ahead sinks in the night towards the Amazon

Joe the taxi And Xavier Cugat Joe the taxi And Yma Sumac Joe - Joe - Joe Joe the taxi is its life Rum with the mambo congestion Joe the taxi and mariachis Joe the taxi and the cha-cha-chi Joe the taxi and the cha-cha-chi go ahead Joe go ahead sinks in the night towards the Amazon

facebook + nudity

2009-02-19T17:04:00.007Z

i created a facebook group today.

feel free to join my facebook group.

my 'wild dream' is for this facebook group to become an 'internet phenomena' -- over 100,000 members, etc.

or challenge me to a game of scrabble. i am currently playing four games of scrabble on facebook. there is an 'interminable' wait between turns. i would like to be playing about 9-14 games of scrabble if possible.

Crispin Best made a video. i like this video an awful lot. there is nudity in the video. i helped make the song that's used in the video, which was based on lyrics by Crispin.

the video is, in part, to promote THIS WEBSITE!!!

new stuff, etc.

2009-02-17T01:16:00.008Z

the next There's No Point In Not Being Friends With Someone If You Want To Be Friends With The m night is on the 23rd of this month (February). i'm not helping organise it, just attending. it looks fun.

i am interviewing Tao Lin for the Canongate website. i just read through Tao's answers to my questions. i made 'gleeful' snorting sounds a few times. i am excited for this interview to be posted (sometime soon?).

i saw Josie Long this evening at a comedy club in Manchester. here is a youtube video of Josie Long recommending books (*spoiler alert* Richard Yates, Kurt Vonnegut, J.D. Salinger, Raymond Carver, Richard Brautigan *spoiler alert*)

i am soon going to be part of 'something very special'.

i would like to get involved with the Amazon Vine Programme (tm). how does that happen? what do i need to do? do i need a 'proven track record'? is there a 'vetting process'? does money 'change hands'? etc.

"oh, i am a young published novelist, my life is so hard, i have so much to complain about"

2009-02-16T12:40:00.009Z

more reviews of The Bird Room by:

Lee Rourke (The Independent)

Francesca Segal (Guardian Online)

Adam Coates (Internettle Soup)

Sameer Rahim (this week's TLS -- not online, just the contents page; was kind of 'damning', said something like 'not funny enough or smart enough' at the end.)

Jenn Ashworth (in an email: "... it was much darker than I thought it would be. Which was a good thing. It was sort of nasty, in some ways - which I mean in a good way too.")

i think that is all the reviews 'done with' now.

i'm not sure why i typed the reviewers names -- maybe i was thinking that they might find this blog post if they were googling themselves, the same way i have been googling "chris killen" + "the bird room" the past however many days.

i have been 'frantically' looking at the amazon sales rank number (about four or five times a day) too. it peaked at around 2,500ish, a few days ago. yesterday it was at about 17,000. i think today, the last time i looked, it had dropped to 27,000ish.

i feel that the 'initial flurry of excitement' is over now.

(possible) future sales will be determined by 'word of mouth' from now on, i think, or a nomination for a prize (ha), or something unrelated which generates publicity -- a 'controversial' appearance on a daytime TV quiz show, or a 'violent accidental death' or something.

i have to just sort of 'come back down to earth' and 'carry on with my life' now, i think.

yoga, learning a musical instrument, swimming, buying innocent smoothies, better posture, a haircut, special face cream, moving flats -- something like that.

*note: i feel this is maybe my most 'obnoxious' post ever. i feel this is post 1 in my 100-step plan to destroy first my blog and then my 'career'.

this is not a new video

2009-02-10T01:37:00.001Z

this is something i put on you tube about a year ago. this video is supposed to convey 'please keep reading my blog, it will not all just be promotional posts about my novel, i will upload a new video on you tube or in some other way make a fool of myself, in a way unrelated to my novel, soon':

review of 'Naive. Super' by Erland Loe

2009-02-10T00:08:00.007Z

i am 106 pages into 'Naive. Super' by Erland Loe
i feel kind of strange reading it
i feel it is very similar to my novel
even though i didn't read 'Naive. Super' by Erland Loe until now
it is even the same publisher in the UK
and similar jacket design
Erland Loe uses lots of line breaks
even the things that are different -- the chapter titles, etc. -- were things in earlier versions of my novel
i feel like 'Naive. Super' (up to and including p. 106) is a 'positive' and 'sweet' version of my novel
like it is dealing with some of the same ideas but from a different perspective
if anyone reading this post sort of liked my novel but found it too 'bleak' or whatever
i would recommend reading 'Naive. Super' by Erland Loe
i am a bit drunk right now

here is another review of 'Naive. Super'

here is a (cat) website i read about this morning in The Metro

my friend Socrates is writing a 'choose your own adventure' blog

i just changed the name of this band to "dogs.com.uk" ('changes may not be searchable for up to 24hrs')

interview on 3:AM

2009-02-05T11:23:00.011Z

i was interviewed by Lee Rourke for 3:AM. (i also interviewed Lee Rourke for 3:AM. i assume that interview is forthcoming.)

here is an edited version of the interview with me (click the edited version if you would like to be 'transported' to the 'unexpurgated edition'):

LR:?
CK: ... I guess ... maybe ... sort of ... kind of ... maybe ... I think ... a bit ... and like ... I don’t know ... a bit ... I have no idea ... kind of ... I don’t know... maybe ... a bit.

'Hotel For Dogs' -- out cinemas, Feb 7

2009-02-04T00:07:00.006Z

more reviews, interviews, publicity, etc., here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

one is an interview in Art and Things.

one is a Guardian review.

one is a video where my face looks like it's melting a bit, as i read (whispered) a short chapter from The Bird Room for Murmur, a new online magazine run by Prathna Lor.

one is a blog post by Crispin Best.(you can order the chapbook 'MEN' by Crispin and Socrates here. i am excited about this chapbook.)

one is an online interview in Second Life, which lasts somewhere between 45mins and an hour i think (i haven't watched it back) in which i say 'um' about 1,000,000 times, and read two short excerpts of The Bird Room, and generally make a fool of myself. i think there is one point where i make a strange noise and then say, 'sorry, i was almost sick'. (i changed my 'avatar' into a short obese person.)

one is an amazon video customer review by Tao Lin.

the publicity will stop soon, i promise.

www.myspace.com/plaguefarm

2009-01-26T15:43:00.005Z

City Life did a small profile on there's no point in not being friends with someone if you want to be friends with them 7. it's tomorrow night, free to get in, and starts at 8. more information here (blog) and here (facebook group).

more reviews of The Bird Room:

"germany at the beginning of 1939" (bookmunch)

"unlikeable and morally dubious characters" (financial times)

"inherent bleakness" (geek pie)

"this is an excellent book" (Gavin Bower)

"physically uncomfortable" (Valerie O'Riordan)

"no problem finishing" (unbound)

also, i am reading at this bookslam event on thursday night, too, in London.

even more publicity

2009-01-23T16:12:00.004Z

there is an interview with me now up on Bookmunch.

The Bird Room was reviewed on the website Bookgeeks.

i am going to go and get a haircut.
[update: i got a haircut.]

i helped make a short film with this guy. it is a film of a poem by sam pink.

listen to this band. look at their music video.

celebrations, publicity, etc.

2009-01-22T14:46:00.006Z

The Bird Room is officially 'out' today.

hooray.

at the moment i am celebrating by listening to Francois Hardy and typing this.

a bit later on i am going to celebrate by going to the post office and posting the books to the winners of the competition. i drew things (on request) including me practising my signature while a bird shits on my head, and 'a man and woman standing at the north pole staring at each other'.

later on still, i am going to continue celebrating by going to the pub.

an interview conducted by Steven Hall, is now up on the Canongate website.

there is also an article in The List, based on a phone interview from about a month ago. [warning: includes large photo of me, sitting on a stool, looking 'well pleased with myself'.] i am quoted as saying things in the interview which i don't remember saying but probably said.

[i wrote another paragraph here and then deleted it]

* COMPETITION WINNERS *

2009-01-21T13:59:00.002Z

here is the draw for the competition. thank you to everyone who entered. i will post the books to you as soon as they arrive.

interview

2009-01-20T22:43:00.002Z

i was interviewed by Darran Anderson for Dogmatika.

* BIRD ROOM COMPETITION UPDATE *

2009-01-20T21:37:00.004Z

if you still want to enter the competition, the closing date is tomorrow (21st Jan), at 10 a.m. (UK time).

i am going to draw the competition entries out of something to create the ten-line poem. i don't know what the thing i am going to draw them out of is yet. it will probably be a big white bowl. i will film myself pulling out the entries and reading them, then put the video up on the blog. if i read your line, YOU ARE A WINNER!!!

about 60 people have entered the competition so far. i'm about halfway through writing up the lines of the poem on bits of paper:

Canongate sent the 'prizes' to me last week, but they never arrived. they're sending some more. hopefully they will arrive tomorrow and i can post them immediately, but there's a small chance it will be the day after or something.

two new reviews

2009-01-19T12:43:00.004Z

"full of expletives" (Irish Times)

vs.

"abject loneliness" (3:AM)

"i went to go and look at copies of The Bird Room and then at a piece of hair on the floor"

2009-01-19T12:24:00.005Z

The Bird Room now in stock at Waterstone's

2009-01-16T12:32:00.004Z

i just got a phonecall from a friend of mine at Waterstone's. The Bird Room is now in stock. Manchester Deansgate branch received 50 copies today. it is on a 3-for-2 promotion.

i just looked at this list of other Waterstone's who also have it in stock.

[i am going to go and have a look at it on the shelf at some point today. this post will probably be updated later on to incorporate a picture of me standing next to copies of the book, grinning like a goon.]

in case you were thinking of going out to buy a copy, here are some 'edited highlights' from recent amazon ('vine programme' (tm)) reviews:

"Pathetic bloke with a broad jealous streak starts off sad, gets a bit sadder and ends up still sad. Possibly there are a couple of intriguing litrary devices to get us questioning his reality, but maybe not. I asked my lad-literate husband if I was missing something. He read it in two hours and said no, there was nothing worth missing."

"At the end of the book though I was forced to ask, 'So what?'. I was left with no sense of meaning or what this book was trying to communicate."

"I was not very thrilled by this book. I found it to be quite mind numbingly void of any real story plot and intensely boring ... All in all I found it boring, seedy (not sexy) and very depressing."

a miniature swan has been made and emailed

2009-01-15T14:44:00.005Z

a person actually made a miniature swan, after watching this instructional video.

this swan has been 'fashioned' from a potato (body), knitting needle (neck), sachet of vinegar (head), page from student paper with diamonds on it (feathers) and sellotape. also please note the 'improvised lake' in picture one (which was made from an Air Iceland blanket), and biscuit tin (?) pedestal in picture two.

i am giving this swan maximum points. if you want to vote for this swan, you can do so in the comments section. unlike this swan, voting will stay open indefinitely.

thank you for your time and consideration.

interview #16

2009-01-14T12:18:00.001Z

interview with CATHERINE LACEY

please describe a thirteen year old version of yourself.

The child in question was born on April 9th, 1985. It is the late spring of 1998 and she is with her mother in a white van that will soon be irrevocably damaged. She is underweight by seven pounds and though she still does not have breasts, the bleeding has started today. A Hispanic man was in her kitchen, presumably repairing something, at the exact moment that this happened, so she didn't tell her mother until now, when they were a safe distance away from the man, whoever he was.

have you ever made up a language either by yourself or with 1 or 2 other people? if so, what were some of the words, phrases, etc.?

One time a character in a story I wrote made up a word. It was "Lopskod." Also, he made up "Dosmonetory," but for some reason gmail's spell check is registering that as a real word even though it is not in the dictionary or anywhere in Googledom, so I don't know.

what do you think the people who live next door to you are doing right now?

Stealing bowls of their roommate's granola.

please describe a 'giant elderly online fox'.

Poor Fox. Contrary to popular belief, a giant elderly online fox still hasn't figured out how to turn on the computer yet, so he's sitting in his narrow, windowless office with stacks of his students' term papers around him. His computer was a gift from his nephew about 10 years ago. It's one of those all-in-one Macs that looks like a big clear egg with blue details. There is a sticky note on the screen of the computer that explains how to turn the computer on, but whoever wrote it did so in hand writing too small to be seen by the giant elderly "online" fox. Also, and this is a point of embaressment for him, he's not a fox. He's a cross between a hare and a dog. He's a harg. It's really embarressing, so don't mention it if you see him. And while we're at it, he's not elderly either, he's only 17 years old, but he has a rare form of asbirgers syndrom that made him age really quickly. Amazingly, he only weighs 2 ounces. So cute.

what were you doing before answering these questions? what are you going to do next?

I bought a hat and put it on. A random homeless woman said to me, "You lookin good! You wearin the hell outta that hat!" I said Thank You. I am going to put the hat back on when I am done with this because I have to go feed someone's cats.

* BIRD ROOM COMPETITION *

2009-01-13T15:43:00.012Z

Canongate are giving me 10 copies of The Bird Room, to give away in a competition.

i lay in bed this morning trying to think of ideas for the competition. i didn't want to do something where people have to 'compete' and then i have to judge which one is the best. so i was thinking of a draw. but a draw seemed a bit dull.

here is the competition:

send me an email (chriskillen@gmail.com) with the word 'competition' somewhere in the subject line. include your address, and say whether you want me to write/draw something in it and (if so) what you would like me to write/draw. please understand that i am rubbish at drawing. if you don't specify anything, i will just sign my name and draw a picture of a bird in the top right hand corner.

also in the email, please include one 'line of poetry'. it doesn't need to be any good, it could be very abstract, but make it something specific enough that you will recognise it again ... once the competition is 'closed' (i don't know, a week from now?), i will put up a video on here of me pulling the lines of the poem out of something, to create a 10-line cut up poem. if i read your line, that means there is a book in the post to you.

the competition is open to anyone in the world.

the competition is perfect if you are thinking something like, 'The Bird Room looks interesting, maybe, but i would not want to pay for it' or 'i can't afford it' or 'i have been openly slating it and Chris Killen as a one-trick-pony hack who got lucky (but secretly i would like to read it)' or 'i don't know, i'm bored, why not' or 'i could tear the pages out and wipe my ass with them' or 'okay then; i could give this in to Oxfam if i hate it'.

i hope the instructions weren't too confusing.

update: i am panicking that no one is going to enter the competition.
update: someone entered the competition.
update: some more people entered the competition.
update: i went out for a bit and came home again and a lot more people had entered the competition. it made me feel strange (in a good way).
update: the competition was linked on HTML GIANT. (thanks, sam.) the entries increased 'dramatically'. at the moment, 'contestants' have about a 1-in-4 chance of winning a book.
update: a few more entries have 'trickled in'. i have decided the closing date is going to be Jan 21st. that way i can post them in the afternoon, and the people (in the UK) will receive it on the 'd.o.p.'

London

2009-01-13T15:03:00.004Z

i went to London yesterday, to read at the pulp net event. i arrived at 17:42. i left at 21:40. i was in London for 3 hours and 58 minutes. on the tube i listened to Handsome Furs. i sat opposite a man reading Razzle. i could see the inside of the magazine reflected in the window behind him. he had a large open rucksack on the seat next to him. after a few minutes he put Razzle back in the rucksack and took out another pornographic magazine. he leafed through it like it was a 'fashion magazine' or something, and he was looking for 'something to catch his eye'. the event was good. i met my friend Alice there. i tried to say something 'humorous' before my short story, to counteract its depressingness. i think my 'humorous' introduction was maybe 76% successful. it was strange reading a story that is now about 2 years old. a man shook my hand after i finished reading. i tried to promote The Bird Room. i think i sold 1-2 prospective copies, maybe. there were lots of people there. i listened to Handsome Furs on the tube back to Euston station. i stood near a green olive on the tube. the olive was dusty, like it had been there all day. i wanted to take a photo of it. i wished i had a camera phone, sort of. i listened to Jens Lekman at Euston station. i needed the toilet. i walked across Euston station, and looked at the pigeons, and thought something like, 'almost all things in the world are small and sad and kind of heart-breaking' whilst simultaneously being aware of how mawkish and sentimental and over-the-top i was being. there is a Filipino word/phrase (?), 'muni-muni'. someone taught me that. i paid 30p to use the toilet. i had an idea for a Paul Simon story as i was washing my hands. i think i am going to write a Paul Simon novel soon. 'unpublishable.' i dried my hands in a Dyson 'airblade' (?) handdryer. you just put your hands in a slot. it dries your hands really quickly, like someone is wiping them with a frantic sheet of air. i thought about a handdryer in Chortlon, in the Iguana Bar, which is the most 'insane' and 'over the top' handdryer i have ever used. it has a blue neon light and it makes a terrifying noise, like a cross between a vaccum cleaner and a tube train approaching. i felt that using the Dyson 'airblade' (?) handdryer was worth 30p. i asked Helen Simpson a question in the Q&A, after her reading at the Pulp Net event. she said that she liked the short story writers Lorrie Moore, Tobias Woolf, Alice Munro, and some other people who i've forgotten. i went back to Manchester on a Virgin Pendolino train called 'The City of Chester'. i wonder if this man went to the Pulp Net event in the end.

Handsome Furs + review + 'online book tour'

2009-01-13T14:51:00.005Z

i wrote a short thing about the band Handsome Furs on barbed cat penis.

The Bird Room has had its second proper review (this time by the 'manchester person' Max Dunbar).

there is now a post on the Canongate website about my forthcoming 'online book tour' (which is just a series of scheduled interviews with online literary journals and things)

interview, poster

2009-01-12T11:58:00.005Z

Tao Lin asked me some questions about British publishing, and bookshops, and Knut Hamsun novels.

i made a poster for the next reading night:

more info about that here.

reciprocal interview by Ryan W. Bradley

2009-01-10T12:34:00.005Z

i was reciprocally interviewed by interviewee #15, Ryan W. Bradley (see two posts down).

the interview can be read here.

*warning: interview spoiler alert* negativity, passivity, apathy, moustaches, repetition, ingestion of trans-fats, self-loathing, small penis, lack of intimate relationships, Steven Hall, forthcoming novel (Jan 22nd), more negative amazon customer reviews, lack of knowledge, Frankie Sparo, inability to tell anyone else what to do seriously, giant panic, giant feelings of technical inadaqacy due to comparisons of writing to the writing of Richard Yates *warning: interview spoiler alert*